Confident people tend to appear relaxed and at ease even in high-pressure situations. Exuding confidence often involves finding a way to deal with feelings of anxiety.
Some things that might help calm your nervousness in these moments:
Remind yourself that other people don’t see you the same way you see yourself. –You might feel nervous on the inside, but that doesn’t mean that other people can see that anxiety. People have other things to think about, including their own worries, so remember that they aren’t focusing on you as much as you think they are.
Being nice feels good. Research suggests that engaging in kind and helpful acts can help improve your mood. In one study, researchers found that engaging in kindness activities each day for seven days increased feelings of happiness and well-being.
The study also found that the more kind acts people performed, the happier they reported feeling. It also didn’t matter if these acts of kindness were directed toward friends, strangers, or even the self—all had an equally positive impact.
I used to believe that I needed to become a certain version of myself before I could approve of who I was. Before I was worthy of love, I needed to become someone first.
I thought I would love myself more if I was smarter. So I became smarter, I got two degrees, but I still felt less than. Then I thought if I became a model, I would feel proud of who I was. So I became a model, but I never came around to loving myself even though I was encouraged externally. Then I thought that if only I had a nice job and more money, I would love myself. So I got a nice job and made more money, but it did not cure my disease.
No matter who I was or what I tried to be, I kept pushing the prize further and further away. I just would not let myself “make it.”
As children, we learn what other people teach us is right. This can make it challenging to identify and build our lives around what we believe is right for us personally.
When I was younger, there was a certain path I was told to take because the path I wanted to follow was difficult. I know that my family did not want to see me get hurt. But as I became my own person, I struggled to make sense of things because my experiences differed from how others had experienced their own life.
I felt alone with no one to relate to. Then I realized that my values and morals had been passed onto me, and they did not fit with what I actually wanted. My morals and values had been shaped by thoughts, opinions, and experiences of my parents, family, and friends. I had to de-construct what all of this meant for me and recreate these guidelines for myself.
We often complain about others because we think they are not up to our standards. Once you stop judging people without knowing their stories, you will most likely complain less about the things people do.
For example, constantly complaining about the service in a restaurant is not helpful. You don’t know what kind of a day your waiter or waitress has had or what problems are going on behind the scenes. If you put yourself in their shoes for a minute, you may be more kind and relax about the situation.
Constantly ignoring your negative thoughts could add up. If you are really going through a rough time, don’t be afraid to share your feelings with a close friend or family member or see a therapist. Don’t feel ashamed if you need to talk through negative feelings.
This is definitely easier said than done. Our brains tend to gravitate toward the negative. Much like the quote above, we are bothered first by the thorns in the rose bush instead of being marveled by the sight of the beautiful roses.
This requires a new practice of being mindful. When you find yourself thinking or saying a negative comment about something or someone, stop and force yourself to say something positive instead. Enlist the help of a cheerful friend to stop you when you complain and help you to see the positive in the situation.
If something is bothering you, either fix it or accept that nothing can be done right now, so why complain? Complaining is a passive activity. Change that complaining into action to solve the problem or simply accept it and give your mind something else to focus on.
“You must first accept that this is where you are right now. This is the job you took. This is a decision you made. Now, you now need to make a choice about where and what you want to do next. You will see that you are able to live freely on your terms when you do so.”